facing the last day of being 29 and going to my masters orientation tonight…kinda serendipitous…
i cried this morning. and i am on the verge again now. my feelings are bubbling over. i am questioning everything, down to the way that my clothes are organized.
i have made it this far and yet i don’t even know where i have made it to.
boyfriend, puppy, car, duplex, job, school - but what do all those things really mean. what is the point to it all.
i slept. i think. we have 3 dogs in bed with us.
he talks trash and i get affected by it. he grabbed my face and my jaw cracked and i turned away and started crying. he apologized again and again and kissed my face and my neck. i accepted his apology. yet he continues to not accept mine for saying that he was a bad teacher when we were in palm springs back in march. i have wondered what we are doing together since i question whether he really wants to be here with me or not…my own issue though…my own self worth negative talk.
today like any other is of reflection. of whats around me. of whats inside me. sometimes i can turn it off. sometimes i can’t.
its nice to see the world and not be in the world. there is great satisfaction in just watching.
i have plenty on my plate and yet i gaze out the window in search of an answer to a question that i do not know.
